The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretaker's how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle-with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. This compromises the Caretaker's self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be.

Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. These negative behaviors don't happen once in a while, they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often, and especially with their Caretaker family member. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant, like flipping a switch. However, in intimate relationships, they can be emotional, aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing, and controlling-in the extreme. Often they appear to be normally functioning at work and in public interactions, and Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short term, in some work or social situations. It also shows you how to stop participating in this self-defeating dynamic and create an emotionally healthy, empowered, and positive life.People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships. The dynamics of the relationship are clearly outlined, as well as techniques to deal more effectively with the borderline or narcissist. It shows you how and why you took on the role of caretaker and what it costs you emotionally, physically, and financially. This is the first book to look in depth at this difficult emotional role. The cost to you, the caretaker, is loss of identity, depression, anxiety, and years of confusion trying to understand what is going on and how to make this person happy. You also have to take on the responsibility to be the peacemaker, provide emotional security, do all the mundane tasks, and try to create some semblance of sanity in these drama dominated relationships. The borderline or narcissist expects you to be loyal, enduring, and fulfill their every emotional need and want. Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is for people who find themselves stuck and lost in a relationship with a borderline or narcissist.

Margalis fjelstad stop caretaking